Meditating – Was It Thoughtless Awareness or Something Else?

NilInThought - GreenWhat’s the strangest thing that’s happened to you whilst meditating?

I’ve been consistently practising meditation daily, in the morning for around 10-15 minutes via the Headspace app, as part of my morning routine (which I’ve written a post on here).

I sit crossed legged on my yoga matt, in the sun room while the sun crests the trees I overlook. I sit and surrounding me is my journal, pens, first coffee of the day and a fluffy blanket I like to wrap around myself – since it’s been so cold here lately.

My dog, Bowser (The B) loves this time of day since I’m on his level and he is forever snuffling around; disturbing the peace.

Hence the headphones.

It’s been over a month since this strange thing happened, and luckily, I did have my journal with me because I was in such a surreal state of mind that I wrote down exactly what was happening and what I was feeling once I came back into myself.

I’ve been contemplating this post for a while now, not sure whether to share this with you or not but curiosity has won out & I just want to know your thoughts and if anything like this has happened to any of you out there.

So, I’ll just bite the bullet and post this; post the words I wrote in my journal of that morning and hopefully you don’t think I’m crazy…

Page Split

I’ve just completed my eighth day of meditating consistently and nearing the end of my session of 10 minutes, it was almost like I couldn’t feel my body; I felt completely weightless. Even after the session has finished, I can’t seem to come out of it – I still feel detached writing this.

I went somewhere; inside my head.

I felt like I was standing inside of my mind, in an empty black bubble. Somehow I knew I was standing, not sitting and somehow I knew it was in my mind. I was awake and aware enough to ask a question to this black space, if there were any ideas or inspiration I should know about but nothing came and nothing answered.

My body feels completely slow – calm – and I’m only just starting to get faster. My body is catching up although my mind is still detached – I’ve just caught myself staring into the distance with no thoughts at all. The B has been trying to catch shadows and I’ve just found myself watching him with no emotion at all, no annoyance or frustration which is usually the case. Nothing. Just quiet.

My writing is slow, my arm feels weightless but the words are my own and my writing is my own – I just have no emotion while writing. I don’t feel like I’m thinking at all while I’m writing.

When is this feeling going to end. I’m not sure I want it too.

I could hear outside noises like Bowser snuffling around and I could hear the voice from the meditation app talking to me through my headphones but it was like it wasn’t penetrating the inner layer of my mind. When the voice in my headphones told me it was time to come back, to wiggle my fingers and my toes, to feel my body on the floor, I couldn’t seem to come back. I couldn’t seem to make the request to do so. It felt like I wasn’t ready too, like something was holding me there for a moment longer. I was heavy and light at the same time, my body frozen and stuck like the air was thick and heavy around me.

I’m not sure if I was scared of that place, I don’t think so.

I feel tingly.

Page Split

I had and still have so many questions, like what was that? How did I do that? Why was it black and empty? If it was my mind – why was it blank and a big black empty space – I don’t feel assured at all for my creativity levels if that’s any indication. Maybe if I enter that state again, a landscape will appear. Maybe not.

You can imagine the things I was typing into google to find any kind of information on whatever it was.

I’ve decided it could be one of two things:

The Gap // Thoughtless Awareness

This article from freemeditation.com has given me at least some kind of explanation of what may have occurred; explaining that there is a moment in your thoughts, where one thought ends before another begins and that moment is called ‘the gap’.

“At first a gap begins to appear between the thoughts. As the gap grows the thoughts diminish and with the regular practice of meditation, the mind enters easily into thoughtless awareness. The attention becomes still like a lake without any ripples on it and a deep inner peace begins to dawn upon our awareness.”

I found further clarification on this term ‘Thoughtless Awareness’ over at beginnersmeditations.com which explains it to be:

“Thoughtless awareness is the amazing state of mind where full self-realisation is reached. It is when the mind is calm and empty of distractions. Negative thoughts and emotions are wiped off the mind amidst peace and pure silence to achieve a total clarity and focus that lead to increased self-awareness.”

There is in fact, a meditation practice called Sahaja Yoga’ which is a form of ‘true meditation’ which awakens the state of thoughtless awareness through ‘Self-Realisation’.

“True meditation is best understood as a state of mental silence or ‘thoughtless awareness’ in which one is fully alert and aware but free of the unnecessary thoughts or worries that lead to many of life’s day to day stresses. This state of silence occurs spontaneously when one learns how to focus on the experience of the present moment, leading to a state of peace and calm.

Self-Realisation occurs when the dormant kundalini energy (which is located at the base of the spine in the sacrum area) is awakened and travels through the subtle energy centres within the body.

When kundalini awakens the fontanel bone area (at the top of the head), it results in a cool breeze flowing out of the top of the head and on the hands. Then one feels very relaxed, and experiences the very peaceful meditative state of thoughtless awareness.”

Obviously, I wasn’t trying to practice this form of meditation as I was following along with Andy Puddicombe’s therapeutic voice from the Headspace App but I may have somehow managed to achieve this meditative mental silence but… did I really?

None of the information I’ve been able to obtain clearly identifies what should happen/what you should see if you do reach this thoughtless awareness so still, I have so many questions left unanswered!

LACK OF OXYGEN TO THE BRAIN

The only other alternative I can think of is that perhaps I slowed my breathing down so much so that I, in fact, passed out.

Which could be the case since I do my meditation practice first thing after waking so I could have just fallen asleep sitting up…

Green

So many questions yet to be answered – but will they ever be?

HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED ANYTHING UNUSUAL OR SURPRISING DURING YOUR MEDITATION PRACTICE? WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED TO ME – DID I REACH A STATE OF THOUGHTLESS AWARENESS OR DO YOU THINK I LITERALLY JUST PASSED OUT & DREAMT IT?

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